Blog Tour: The Sales Crime Policeman by David J. Rollins

Hey guys! Today I want to welcome to the blog David J. Rollins and his book, The Sales Crime Policeman. This is a science fiction/humor/romance novel and the setup is really interesting. Furthermore, this isn't the only book set in this world, so you may want to consider checking out his other books too:) This was first published on November 19, 2013.

The Sales Crime Policeman

The future is no place to fall in love.

Amazing advances in technology have all but replaced relationships. People can purchase spouses programmed to their individual tastes and desires, anything from an aversion to expensive guilt gifts to perfumed flatulence. Attachments are even available for the more discriminating customers. Anyone can have anyone they want, as long as they don’t want someone who looks like someone else. That’s against the law. It could also make things a little awkward at social events.

For one man, technology is not enough. He is a Telepathic Vacuum Cleaner Salesperson Policeman, and he wants to fall in love with a real woman. Like most men, he is not perfect. He has no name. He had to give up that up when he became a policeman. He is terribly afraid of roller coasters. And he doesn’t have any attachments.

When he finds the woman of his dreams, she is not what he expected. Like most women, she doesn’t feel the same way about him. She has a spouse certified to be her perfect mate. And she is in prison. The policeman had her arrested, because she is one of the most wanted criminals in his world.

Now, the policeman has to choose between everything he is and everything he wants.

The future is no place to fall in love.

Check it out at Amazon

David J. Rollins

David J. Rollins is a paralegal by day, husband by night, and sometimes finds time to write. As a young man, he had had different plans, but that’s the way life works out most of the time.

David has been writing since Seventh Grade. He started with the adventures of Super Pimp and his sidekick Squirt. His hero was Philip K. Dick, who strangely enough did not write about things like Pimps and Squirts. Like any fan, David wanted to follow in his hero’s footsteps. Unlike most fans, he wanted to follow them even after finding out that his hero, at one point in his life, was so poor that he resorted to eating dog food. What David lacked in aspirations, he made up for in determination.

From those humble beginnings, David became the man he is today. He is happier than he ever thought he would be and is living a life he never imagined in his wildest dreams. And that’s the way David’s life worked out. He was and is very lucky.

As further proof of his luck, David has lost every one of the stories about Super Pimp and his sidekick Squirt. He has also never had to eat dog food.

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Time for 2 excerpts!

Excerpt 1

“Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it a marriage.” She shrugged and looked away through a door leading further back into her house. “I wouldn’t exactly consider the baby in the other room my child.”

Only now, did he remember the baby from the other day. “You wouldn’t?”

“No,” she said, “They’re not human. They’re machines. They seem to have become quite popular over the past year or two. Don’t you have one? You certainly dress fashionable.”

“No,” he said quickly, “I want something a little more real in my life.” He was trying to be suggestive but didn’t realize he was being critical until after he saw her expression. “Are you happy? You’ve been married for...” His sentence trailed into a blank for her to fill in.

“Please,” she shook her head and smiled softly. “I’m not married. It’s not really marriage. I think of it more as having a spouse. I have a spouse. I have a child. I have a house. They’re all not really that much different, if you think about it.”

“Shouldn’t they be?” he couldn’t help asking her.

Excerpt 2

“You wanted to see me?” she asked, catching the implication and pushing it further, “Why?”

He looked away and then back at her. He knew she was playing with him, but that didn’t make it any less terrifying. He would have much rather been trapped on a public coaster with his eyes wide open at that moment than answer her question. “I wanted to see you today...” he struggled, and she let him. He stared at the slight grin on her face and wanted so bad to reach out and kiss those lips. “...because I wanted to ask you if I could see you tonight.”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Her eyes stared directly at his.

He couldn’t avoid her, and part of him didn’t want to. She had truly beautiful eyes, eyes that sparkled with a little badness. He swallowed and tried to meet her stare, though the rest of him was quivering. “Yes. I’m asking you out...on a date.” He licked his lips and swallowed again. He wondered why he was doing this.
She was married. Though he wondered why, he knew the answer, because she was beautiful, because she hadn’t asked for his name.

She grinned and looked away. “You know, I don’t even know your name. I’m Nulla.”

‘She had to ask!’ he cried inside. He met her without quiver, with a reluctant fear masked as strength. “Nulla, there are some questions I will admit that I won’t want to answer, and those, I promise you, I will try my best to answer. But there are some things I simply can’t tell you. My name is one of them.”

“You can’t tell me your name? You’re like a man of mystery then, huh?” she grinned.

He said nothing. He was too busy hoping she could get past this.

“That’s one thing I haven’t had in my life for a long long time. So I’ll see you sometime tonight?” She smiled, and only two of the fourteen nipples that covered her breasts glowed.

His breath fell out of his mouth like a brick. “Yes. Tonight.”

So yep, that's about it for today! Thanks for visiting!