You

This is something I wrote recently. This is for you.

I think I could get over you if I wanted. Or at least, if things didn’t work out. Maybe in a few years I would be able to let you go. Yet, I don’t know if I could ever trust again. Sure, I could probably get attracted to someone else, maybe even start falling for someone. But I don’t think I would be able to let the person get so close the way I’ve let you get so close to me. I don’t even want to imagine someone holding me, telling me they love me. I think sometimes I ask myself how strong are my feelings are for you if I can still think other guys are good-looking. No, I’m not attracted to them. But I have to admit that they have good looks. Of course, it doesn’t do the same thing to my heart the way your looks does to mine. And no other guy could ever make me smile as much as you make me do. Of course, maybe they can make me laugh. But that doesn’t mean I’m happy. You make me happy, in ways I never thought could be happy in. I didn’t even know it was possible to be that happy until you.

And that’s why I don’t want to lose you. Because I equate losing you with losing happiness. Because honestly, how would I smile, knowing that you aren’t there? How could I laugh, knowing that I can’t tell you about it when I saw you next? And how could I cheer up after I screwed something up, knowing you aren’t there to comfort me? Because I think if I lose you, those walls around my heart are going to be so strong that I doubt anyone will want to try and break in. And you didn’t even have to try. From the start, my heart trusted you enough. I thought you were the one who took down my walls. But I think from the start, my heart knew. My heart didn’t even try to build up the walls and make myself strong. Instead, it helped you to take them down, and even speeding up the process. 

I’ve never been so vulnerable to another person before. You could crush me I think. It wouldn’t take much. My heart knows that. But yet, my heart and my brain know enough to trust you to never do that. That even if you’re angry, your first thought is still going to be me. Somehow, I don’t doubt your feelings at all, and that amazes me every time I think of it. Maybe part of the reason why I don’t doubt yours, is because I’m having equally strong feelings for you. I wouldn’t want you to ever get hurt. I want to be there to protect you, to keep you safe, happy and satisfied. If I could take your sadness, I would, if only for the sake to make you happy. 

I think I’m finally beginning to stop doubting my own feelings and the intensity of it. Because what else could describe what I feel about you? Its not just one thing that I love about you. Its everything that makes who you are, that is the reason for me loving you. I wouldn’t want you to be different in any way. Because I’ve seen your bad side, even though it doesn’t really seem bad to me. And to be honest, I don’t think its bad at all. I mean, its you. But in any case, in spite of your flaws, I still love you. And I think that’s what love is about. Its not about loving the good, because who couldn’t? Its about seeing the flaws, and loving them because they make up who he is. Its about loving the little things, the things done unconsciously, the things that just make him him. That’s what I think love is about. I questioned whether what I felt was just infatuation. Until I realise, it wasn’t just loving you and being loved that was what made me say I love you. It truly is about loving you. I love you for you. Not for what you do, not for what you are around other people, not for your position, not for anything. I just love you. The person. It truly is indescribable. Wow. That was a revelation while writing. I truly do love you. I always say it, but its now that I truly understand how much I mean it. It’s everything about you. It doesn’t matter what you are doing, I still love you. You could be the poorest beggar on this world, the most unwanted person, or the worst as the world determines you to be, and I would still love you. Corny, cheesy and mushy to be sure. But its true. Because I believe that even if you became all those things, who you are isn’t going to change. You’re still going to be that adorable, cute, charming boy that I love. You’re still going to make the same hand gestures, speak the same way, walk the same way, question things the same way. You’re still going to be you. And as long as you’re you, I will love you. That’s it, isn’t it? Pure and simple. Loving you for who you are. That is love. 

And yes, this is very late. The challenge is more or less over, but I wanted to finish this at least! :)